As an educator I feel a responsibility to improve the lives of my fellow man. Similarly, as a literature professor, creative writing teacher and amateur writer in my own right, I feel driven to provide instructional insight to other beginning writers. The following list was compiled with the help of Sarah Strong Wilson after having attended one too many open-mike poetry readings at The Corner Cafe' in Carrollton, GA. While there are always some very good poets at these gatherings, I feel that my shared wisdom may spare the vast majority of these budding young bards further embarrassment by attempting to improve their craft.

Lev's Twenty Rules for Poetry

1. Don't blame the fairies; if you didn't bring anything, don't read.

2. If you have to practice in front of a mirror to get the right sneer, it's not really poetry.

3. Dramatic monologues are not poetry.

4. Lay off Henry Rollins. He does what he does incredibly well, and therefore, we don't really need more of him.

5. Never EVER write a poem you feel needs a date or grade school level as a title.

6. If your poem rhymes, make sure it rhymes well and, more importantly, says something.

7. Quit writing about loneliness, already. It's been done to death and by others who can do it better. No one's going to like you any better afterwards, anyway. Other topics to avoid for similar reasons are: anger, rage, pain, and corruption in the government. Also, don't write love poems unless you're badass.

8. There are two sides to every story, shades of grey between black and white. Remember this when you sit in your comfortable apartment/dorm room and bitch about society.

9. Just because you wrote something crappy and then used a thesaurus, doesn't make it any less crappy.

10. Similarly, just because something is a "true story" or "really happened" doesn't make the poem any better.

11. If you feel the need to write about yourself, lie your ass off. Nobody will know the difference, and it'll be far more interesting.

12. Punk is dead; get over yourself.

13. The Beats are dead; let'em be.

14. A list of swear words is not poetry. It's just pointless obscenity.

15. "I am the pseudo-poet, hear me roar!" (Real poets do not have to talk so loud).

16. Drunkenness and drug induced hazes do not excuse bad poetry; even Burroughs waited until he was sober to write.

17. Revision isn't just for American history textbooks, anymore. Give it a try.

18. Don't insult your audience; there's probably a reason they're not clapping.

19. If you're just after applause, try karaoke.

20. Leave them wanting more--if they want no more, just leave.