For those of you who didn't catch this heartbreaking holiday story on the Gecko Tales blog of a helpless elf forcibly taken from his home in the dead of night and his hair-raising whirlwind journey over half the country, Check it out here.

Hi-Ho

-Lev

P.S. I'm starting a petition to bring the elf back home. Just sign my comment box to join in. No one should be away from family, friends, and fireside on Christmas. Especially elves.

Since I'm out of the office for a few weeks and I won't be pampered by the high-speed connection, I'm afraid my entries may be sparse between now and the new year. In fact I'll be opening the writing duties up to you, my audience. Send me any little weird, amusing, or otherwise interesting internet story/anecdote, and I'll post some of them when I'm on the net over the holidays.

Today's entry comes from one of my oldest friends, Rob Davis. I don't know if it's true or not, but I never let honesty get in the way of a good story:


An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato
garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help
him, was in prison for murder. The old man wrote a letter to his son
and described his predicament:

Dear Bubba,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to
plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I
know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I
buried the BODIES.

Love, Bubba

At 4:00 AM the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police
showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They
apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the man received another letter:

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do
under the circumstances.

Love, Bubba

In order to give equal time to schizophrenic reviewers, I've dug up this review for the Two Towers theatrical DVD release.

This is quite possibly the most bizarre review of The Return of the King (of any movie for that matter) I've ever read.

Warning: this review contains spoilers (I think but then again, who can tell with this guy).

Click here to read some insane guy's review of the latest installment of The Lord of the Rings

Hey kids!

Try this for fun and laughs:

1. Go to Google.com

2. Type the words "miserable failure"

3. Click "Google Search"

I feel like I've been dragged over an eight mile stretch of bad road and then left in a rock quarry.

You know, it's amazing to me that something a small a s a virus can lay low someone as large as me.

However, lay me low, it did. I staged a bed-in all weekend to protest the abuse my body has suffered from the amoral microscopic beast intent on the destruction of my species.

I stayed up late last night watching Court TV. There's something about documentaries about crime that completely sap my will to turn off the remote.

Anyway, it inspired me to list my top ten serial killers.

Lev's Top Ten Favorite Serial Killers:

10. Charlie Manson: Okay he's not technically a serial killer, but he should at least appear on some list since he ain't never getting on the parole list. Besides, with his swastika-forehead, wide-eyed stare, and freaky free-love/murder speeches, he's just so cute and cuddly.

9. Hannibal Lecter: Yeah, I know he's not even real, but c'mon: It's Hannibal. Besides my wife looks so cute when she gets grossed out by the tongue flicky thing he does in Silence, I had to list him.

8. The Boston Strangler: I couldn't really think of any other serial killers to fill out my list, so I had to throw him in.

7. Ted Bundy: In this age of political correctness, Bundy restores my faith in the unsavory order of the world: He proves that deep within every pretty-boy beats the heart of a misogynistic predator.

6. The Son of Sam: The man talked to dogs who claimed to be Satan. He's like Shaggy if Hannah and Barberra had given the franchise to King and Straub.

5. The Zodiac: Truly an allegory for our anticlimactic times: He sounds like a comic book super-villain and strikes fear in the hearts of millions, then he turns out to be just a fucked up geek who can't stand his sister's boyfriend.

4. John Wayne Gacy: Sexual deviance, clowns, and the Duke: How did we not see that coming?

3. Jeffrey Dahmer: Nothin' says lovin' like a boy in the oven.

2. Jack the Ripper: 'Cause Victorians are so cool. Just ask any Goth kid at the mall.

1. Ed Gein: The crazy lookin' loner in the middle of nowhere with a perverted mother complex and a taste for flesh. He inspired the greats: Norman Bates, Leatherface, Freddy, and Buffalo Bill.

Did I forget anybody? Feel free to chime in.

Look!!

My log is now interactive!

I have a comment column, so now you, too, can chime in on my journal and tell us what you think.

Why not be the envy of your friends and neighbors and try it today?

Some days are just golden.

Nothing brings out the teenage rebel in me like finding out my old high school assistant principal has been busted for drugs:

This from the Newnan Times Herald:

School administrator arrested
Jennings retires after cocaine, other charges filed
Published 11/29/03

By CAMERON JOHNSON

cameron@newnan.com

Coweta Assistant Superintendent Chris Jennings tendered his retirement to the school board -- effective immediately -- following his Wednesday afternoon arrest for DUI and possession of almost seven grams of suspected cocaine.

"We are aware of it," said Superintendent Peggy Connell Thursday. "I have talked to Chris. He has already submitted his retirement letter to me. He is retiring. He's worked for this school system for almost 32 years."

"His work has been wonderful," Connell said. "I was glad he was here. He's been a dedicated employee for 30 years. We were all surprised, and we hope that he does get treatment."

Wednesday, at around 2 p.m., Jennings was clocked at 90 mph in a 70 mph zone at mile post 18 while on southbound Interstate 85, according to Georgia State Patrol Public Information Officer Gordy Wright. The trooper from the Troup County post caught up with Jennings at mile post 15, and initiated a traffic stop.

The trooper got Jennings out of the car, according to Wright; and he had no driver's license, but he did have his Coweta County School System identification card. The trooper detected the apparent odor of alcohol and gave Jennings a field test which resulted positive for alcohol.

During the course of the pat down before being placed in the trooper's cruiser Jennings had his hands in his pockets and did not want to pull them out, according to Wright. Eventually he did, and the trooper found a pill bottle with a white powder inside. The field test of the powder came back positive for cocaine.

The subsequent inventory and search of the vehicle found additional white powder that is suspected cocaine, according to Wright. The total amount of suspected cocaine found was between five and seven grams.

Jennings is charged with felony possession of cocaine, speeding, DUI, obscured tag, open container and no license on person. He was turned over to Troup County, according to Wright.

Jennings began his career in the Coweta County School System as a teacher, then was an assistant principal, principal, and when Connell arrived he was an assistant superintendent over construction, she said.

Looking to the future and facing a state budget crisis, Connell said that Jennings' retirement could provide the school system an opportunity to conserve money as they reorganize. The superintendent said she plans to share some ideas with the school board.

"It's hard because we are growing," Connell said. "There are so many additions or new construction, and that was what he was supervising. I'm going to look carefully at this and see what we can cut back before I make a decision on what we'll do."


I think they can best combat their budgetary crisis by hiring Jennings to push dope for school fundraisers.

I'd like to dedicate this to the undying memory of Super-Scooter (a.k.a. S.T.)*


*For more information, see the post for Thursday October 30, 2003.

Welcome back. I hope everyone had a filling and enjoyable Thanksgiving.

Lev's holiday ramble:

I hate people who call it "Turkey Day." I don't know why; it just sounds stupid.

I also hate "X-mas," not because it offends the religious right, but because the abbreviation makes no sense. It's like calling Tuesday "Z-day." Besides, it sounds like Malcolm X's birthday.

Similarly, "MLK day" sounds too much like "Milk Day," and that's just silly.

I prefer "Independence Day" to the "4th of July." Oddly, though, I think "Cinqo de Mayo" is cool.

I miss Armistice Day, but I'll tolerate Veteran's Day. Hell, either one gets me off work on November 11.

Other than dates, I don't understand the difference between Memorial Day and Veteran's Day.

I'm not sure about Labor Day. It seems misleading.

I think Arbor Day and Groundhog Day are both extremely under-appreciated.

Don't get me started on the variant spellings of our most recent manufactured holiday, Qwanzai (or is Kwanzaa?)